20 Things Women Should Never Do$

Twenty Things Women Should Never Do!
1. Do not shave off your eyebrows only to redraw them with a pencil… it makes no sense.

2. Do not put on too much make up, you end up looking like you came out of the make-up factory.

3. Do not wear a vest or sleeveless top without shaving your armpits or without a bra underneath.

4. Do not leave chipped nail polish to wear off on its own, there’s a reason why they sell nail polish remover.

5. If you can’t afford good quality weaves, don’t bother.

6. Do not do artificial nails that makes you look like a drag queen, simple is αℓωαчs sexy.

7. See-through leggings or a top used as a dress when you are out in public is a hell- to-the-no!

8. Never do things for a man with a hope of getting something in return, expectations are dangerous. Do it because you simply want to.

9. Never contradict what your man says - in public.

10. Never stalk the man that left you for the other woman.

11. Do not share your best friend’s personal life with every Tom, and Harry.

12. Women should never act on distress in relationships like checking your man’s phone, nagging him to death, and acting like a paranoid freak. You will simply release him to someone else by doing so.

13. Never dish out your entire family drama on a first date. The guy just wants to know about you.

14. Stop obsessing over your body. It’s good to eat healthy and work out but let’s leave it at that.

15. Never over-accessoriz e. stop looking like a Christmas tree.

16. Never leave home without lipgloss, your phone and most of all, your dignity.

17. Never leave your used sanitary towel in the toilet for the next person to see.
Women please!

18. Never wear very high heels if you can’t do the Naomi Campbell walk. You look like a drunk grasshopper.

19. Never wear short skirts and low cut tops when off to an interview. You will create the wrong impression.

20. And finally, ‘Never wish to be like any other woman. There are others out there envying you for who you are’

3 Ways to Know If Our Perceptions of Each Other Are Accurate

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” [Virginia Woolf]
If you’ve ever listened to someone’s description or opinion of you and it sounded completely alien, you probably found yourself wondering where on earth they were coming from.
We are told that on a universal, spiritual level, the way you perceive someone is more than just an opinion; it’s actually a reflection of you being projected onto that person.
So if someone tells you that you’re beautiful, kind, or have a good heart, they can only do so because those qualities are present within them. Conversely, if you see someone as dishonest, unkind, or manipulative, that’s because you, yourself, are projecting those parts of you onto the other person.
When I was going through the depths of healing from adultery and my marriage break-up, I recalled a lot of things my ex-husband told me about myself—some of which I accepted; a lot of which I did not.
It was very important to me to use forgiveness, self-love, and a sense of perspective as my tools to move on. I worked hard on my own issues, and accepted responsibility for the things within me that had brought me that harsh experience.
But I have always struggled with this concept that “you can only see in others what you have within you.”
It’s not because I only want to believe the good things people say about me, or because I think I have no bad traits.
It’s because when dealing with unacceptable or in some cases abusive behavior in life, it is very difficult to hear and accept that the negative conduct you have received from someone else is simply your own darkness being brought into the open, and nothing to do with the other person.
This was how I had always interpreted such teachings, and doing so made me feel worse about myself instead of better.
I now understand that it is possible to witness or observe a behavior objectively, for what it is, without necessarily being that yourself.
This is true of both positive and negative interactions. For example, I can acknowledge and deeply admire those who can speak publicly with great confidence, but I don’t possess this ability.
This is not a defeatist attitude or low self-esteem talking; it’s simply an observation. Likewise, I can see someone’s behavior toward me as negative or destructive, but know I’m not like that. I no longer feel the guilt of believing that in order to have observed it, I must be like that too.
What I believe is that we all have is the potential for the behaviors we are being shown.
I know that I have the potential for great public speaking; and I know I have the potential for manipulative or intolerant behaviour. But though can I recognize these traits in others, it’s not who I choose to be right now.
This is not intended as way to avoid responsibility for your own behavior, or an opportunity to judge others while saying “but I’m not like that.” But it is important to know, especially when we are feeling emotionally vulnerable, that sometimes it isn’t about us; it’s about them.
Here are three ways of working out whether what a person says about you is really a reflection of themselves. It’s also useful and healthy to use this exercise from the opposite perspective to see if you are ever projecting your own issues onto another:

1. Is their opinion about me something I’ve felt about myself?

We have a deep knowledge of our own psyche—our fears, our dreams, our abilities, and our strengths and faults.
Does what the other person is saying ring true on any level? If they are saying great things but the words sound hollow to you, it won’t really be about you. But if your heart lifts when someone calls you generous, it’s because you know you are, and they have struck a lovely chord.

2. Is their opinion about me something I’ve been shown by other people?

Although trusting your own inner knowing is vital, we are interactive creatures with varied experiences of each other.
Unless you have a real Jekyll and Hyde personality, other people’s perceptions of you will be largely similar. So, if one person is telling you that you are arrogant and stubborn, while everyone else sees you as kind, patient, and tolerant, then it’s most likely that this one person is bringing their own issues into what they are saying about you.

3. Do they have another agenda?

Does the person telling you about yourself want something from you emotionally or physically? Are they speaking to you, or about you, from a place of love, or fear?
If they have an agenda, then what you are being told about yourself, whether good or bad, is likely to be manipulation on their part and no reflection on you.
So why are we being told and shown things by others’ behavior if it’s not actually about us?
I believe that the actual message, whether it’s, “you are selfish” or “you should be a professional dancer,” is not the end purpose of the exchange.
It’s what we learn about ourselves from our response that really matters. Is the comment something we need to pursue or let go of? Does it require a reply or acknowledgement? What does it say about us if we accept what they say, or don’t?
The things being presented to us through other people’s actions or words simply show us what we are capable of, not necessarily what we are.
For me, encounters and interactions with others are ripe learning opportunities for growth. We learn to use discernment, tolerance, compassion, and gratitude. We are shown the potential to be strong inspiring and happy; we are also shown the potential to be fearful, negative and unloving.

Loving Others Without Expecting Them to Fill a Void

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” [Thich Nhat Hanh]
Conventional notions of what it means to love are populated with expectations for reciprocity that often get us into trouble. I know this personally, because whenever I have “freely” given my love, and it has not been rewarded with reciprocity, I have often come face to face with my resentment.
This has been especially true of my intimate relationships. I want the people who fall into this category, in particular, to reciprocate my love. I expect them to. But, as Thich Nhat Hanh points out, love is expansive, not constrictive.
I had a boyfriend once, for example, who although he seemed to genuinely like spending time with me, didn’t make our relationship much of a priority in his life. This was a guy who was pretty laid back in general and so I discounted his reserve and tried to be patient, thinking we’d eventually turn a corner.
What became clear, over the course of four years, is that my patience was thinly veiling a whole host of, now, disappointed expectations for reciprocity. And in the end I felt angry and betrayed.
The question is: by whom really?
When some time had passed, and I was able to look back on the situation with a little more objectivity, it became clear I’d entered into the relationship with typical expectations for attention, time, comfort, and affection—in other words, an agenda.
I don’t mean to say there is anything wrong with wanting to be loved. There isn’t, of course. It is a good and natural impulse.
We all deserve the love of our intimate others and should be careful to choose partners whose love for us is a natural, abundant outpouring of their feelings, and investment in us and our wellbeing.
The desire to be loved—to the extent that it is fueled by any underlying agendas or feelings of isolation and loneliness—can be very problematic. For it often turns a relationship into some version of, “I’ll scratch your back, if you’ll scratch mine.” And love isn’t contractual.
However, bargaining is, and this, unfortunately, was the weak foundation on which my own compromised relationship stood and faltered. He failed to invest in the relationship while taking advantage of all the intimate benefits, and I failed to draw good boundaries; I settled for being used, rather than being loved.
Revealed in all this was the fact that I hadn’t exactly been looking after my own needs very well. I’d neglected and betrayed myself, in some sense, and needed to assume greater responsibility for my own personal happiness.
To that end I began a quest for locating the sense of inner contentment and satisfaction I so craved, but was not in possession of. I read books, magazines, watched films, and made note of what resonated with me and what did not—what stirred my enthusiasm, what made sense.
I became more curious about my inner life. An act of love in itself.
Later, I began a regular practice of journal writing and meditation. I’m a big believer in the contemplative arts, which, for me, can include things like painting, running, swimming, knitting—almost anything that helps you reach a more contemplative state of mind. For me this was huge.
What I have learned the hard way is that a robust love stands the best chance of materializing between people who have ripened sufficiently as individuals. And it is always a work in progress.
Love is never complete. Just as life is always moving and re-shaping itself, this is true with love.
Thus, loving in such a way that the person we love feels free is as simple and straightforward as it is complex and discursive.
Essentially, we need to practice being the love we wish to see in the world, and that requires a deeply rooted sense of reverence and respect for ourselves, our intimate others, and the wonderfully complex, exquisitely vulnerable, flawed humanity we share.
It requires making mistakes, making amends, and trying to manage matters with an increasing degree of skill and intelligence. Not to mention forgiveness.
Here is a lovely quote by Rumi that really gets to the heart of the matter.
And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.
Which is to say, we need to be love. That is all there really is to it in the end—simple, but not easy, as with most things worth striving for in life. Then the love returned by others can be received as the gift that it is.
Ultimately, love is its own reward. Generous. Expansive. Inclusive. Receptive. Liberating.
Love well, live well!

How to Feel More Loved: 9 Tips for Deep Connection

“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” ~John Bulwer
If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel loved.
We want to feel deeply connected to other people, fully seen and appreciated by them, and secure in those relationships.
We can have a million and one acquaintances online, but if none of our  connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.
There’s actually some interesting research that shows we tend to value physical possessions less when we feel loved and accepted by others, because relationships can provide a sense of comfort, insurance, and protection. They truly are the most valuable things in our lives.
I remember when I completed my last promotional tour. It’s something I used to do for work—travel around the country promoting products at sporting events, concerts, and retail locations. I chose this career partly because it seemed adventurous, and partly because it allowed me to distract myself with constant change and motion.
Although there were more than 20 people on the tour, I frequently stayed in separate hotels because my responsibility was to care for the tour dog, and the group often stayed in places that didn’t allow pets.
I’d just decided to leave NYC shortly before this job, after slowly climbing out of years of self-loathing, depression, and isolation. I wanted nothing more than to make real friendships, but I simply didn’t know how.
I saw it happening all around me. I saw women forming bonds that I knew would last for years, while I frequently felt awkward and insecure. I saw romantic relationships blossoming, while I had a superficial fling with someone I hardly knew, who hardly knew me back.
Though I was trying to open up to people and create space for them to open up as well, I still felt alone, love-deprived, and terrified that these feelings would endure. As a consequence, I frequently sabotaged myself and potential connections.
I assumed there was something wrong with me for struggling in relationships, when it was actually my thinking that manifested everything that felt wrong.
I’m sure there are countless other people who’ve been in that place before: feeling isolated, disconnected, and confused about how to change it.
Others still experience something different but related: They have meaningful friendships, but still feel there’s something lacking—like there could be more love coming their way, romantically or otherwise.
I’ve learned a lot about giving and receiving love over these last several years, and I’ve dramatically transformed my thinking and sense of connection as a result. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more loved, you may find these tips helpful:

Open Your Heart

1. Initiate meaningful conversations.

The first step to feeling more loved is creating close relationships, and that starts with meaningful, engaged conversations. These don’t necessarily need to be deep and spiritual in nature. They just need to be honest, authentic, and reciprocal.
You can initiate this type of exchange with anyone at almost any time simply by asking about the other person, fully listening to what they have to say, and then finding common ground. Naturally some people will stay shut down, but it’s worth the risk of feeling vulnerable to find the ones who won’t.

2. Give the gift of your presence.

Often when we converse with people, we’re not fully listening; we’re formulating our response in our heads and waiting for our turn to talk. We’re not only doing the other person a disservice when we do this; we’re also shortchanging ourselves.
Think about the last time you really opened up to someone. It likely required you to feel a level of comfort and trust, even if you didn’t yet know that person very well. The act of opening up is itself an offering of love. It’s an invitation to let someone in.
In recognizing this and welcoming it by fully hearing other people, we are, in fact, receiving love.

3. Open up your love valve.

Just like a heart valve prevents blood from flowing backwards, our love valve might block the flow of energy in our interactions. This generally happens when we get too caught up in our head, thinking, analyzing, and wanting more, instead of being present and allowing a natural give and take.
Come into the moment, take the pressure off the situation, and avoid the urge to fill silences with chatter. Instead, picture the interaction as something cyclical in nature, where there’s a balance of sharing and listening, giving and receiving.
When we clear the mental clutter and allow this type of flow, we are in essence choosing to be love.

Open Your Mind

4. Change your beliefs about the world and love.

When we tell ourselves the same things over and over again, we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you tell yourself that people don’t care, you’ll put that energy into the world and then easily find evidence to back it up. If you tell yourself you’ll never experience love, you’ll create mental barriers and then subconsciously repel it.
Tell yourself a different story: There’s a lot of love in the world, there’s plenty to go around, you deserve it, and it’s coming to you every day.

5. Consider that love might look different than you visualized it.

In telling yourself that love is coming to you every day, you’re not merely lying to yourself; you’re taking responsibility for recognizing the love around you.
It might not be from the person you want to be with romantically. It might not meet the standards and criteria you defined in your head. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
When a friend pushes you to reach your potential, it’s an act of love. When a family member takes the time to listen to you, helping you form insights about your life, it’s an act of love.
See and appreciate the love all around you and it will surely multiply because you’ll come to potential new relationships with a sense of wholeness instead of lack.

6. Give love when you’re tempted to judge.

Ultimately, this is how we all want to be loved: without judgment, pity, or condescension. Commit to giving this kind of love, both in your existing relationships and in new ones you might be tempted to avoid.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow your instincts when you feel like unsafe around someone. It just means you look below the surface, give people a chance, and in doing so create the potential for more meaningful, mutually supportive relationships.
Make the conscious choice to be understanding and compassionate. While getting isn’t the intention of giving, this will likely set the stage for you to receive the same consideration in return.

Open Your Eyes

7. Value the people who are there.

Sometimes we get so caught up looking for romantic love that we forget to appreciate the friends and family who are always there, offering their support. At least I did. Despite my chronic fear of being seen and judged, and my instinct to self-sabotage, I spent a long time believing that I was incomplete.
I know you might be thinking that friendships aren’t the same as romantic affection, and I understand. I felt this way too. But we don’t attract romantic love into our lives by focusing on what’s missing. We attract potential partners by radiating love.
Take an inventory of all the people who care. There are likely far more than you realize.

8. Recognize the love you’re not giving.

It’s far easier to pinpoint what we’re not getting than it is to be honest with ourselves about what we’re not giving. Perhaps you want people to check in with your more frequently. Are you checking in with them? Maybe you want people to ask more about your personal life. Are you asking them about theirs?
Give the type of love you want to receive. Give praise. Notice the little things. Offer help without it being asked of you.
I’m not suggesting you should always be the one giving. If it feels like a constant one-way street, then it might be time to reevaluate that relationship. But in most healthy ones, giving more freely creates an environment of consideration and generosity.
And then of course there’s the other side of this coin: Ask for what you need! There’s one relationship in my life that’s often felt unbalanced. Recently I asked this friend if she’d call me sometimes just to talk, as opposed to calling for advice. I asked, and now she does.

9. Look deeply at your needs and intentions.

Sometimes when we go out looking for love, we’re really trying to avoid giving ourselves what we need. There’s pain in our past we don’t want to acknowledge; or there’s an emptiness inside that we don’t want to fill on our own.
If you’re feeling a hole somewhere inside, take a close look at what might have caused it. Be strong enough to acknowledge what you need to do for you, whether it’s having a long overdue conversation with a family member, working on your self-esteem, or finding a sense of purpose in life.
We all deserve to feel loved by the people in our lives, but first need to be willing and able to love ourselves. That’s what it takes to feel deeply connected: to feel deeply connected to ourselves and confident in what we can give.

Loving Relationship

  How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These indispensable tips were written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family and even work relationships.

1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without being afraid.
Don’t interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don’t make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you’re too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe and “calm down.”
Remember: your partner is not the enemy.

2. Separate the facts from the feelings.
What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.

3. Connect with the different parts of yourself.
Each of us is not a solo instrument. We’re more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’ but my heart says ‘I really love her.’ Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.
4. Develop and cultivate compassion.
Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don’t have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoging respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.
5. Create a “we” that can house two “I’s”.
The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually-supportive relationship is to be separate and connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or her self, compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual “I” contributes to the creation of a “we” that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don’t need to be with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of good fire.
6. Partner, heal thyself.
Don’t expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don’t try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can be supportive as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.
7. Ask questions when you’re unsure or are making assumptions.
All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners’ behavior means. For example: “She doesn’t want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore.” We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what’s not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken.
8. Make time for your relationship.
No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making “playdates” and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow.
9. Say the hard things from love
Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.

There you have it. Be kind to yourselves. Remember: change takes time and every step counts.