This Is Laila's Blog: “Pornography Makes Our Movies Real” – Nollywood Actor, Benson Okonkwo Speaks

This Is Laila's Blog: “Pornography Makes Our Movies Real” – Nollywood Actor, Benson Okonkwo Speaks

Promise of Consistency

Promise of Consistency

Promise of Consistency

Have you ever seen something old, that you see everyday, for the very first time?  This happened to me recently while headed to work.
On this particular morning I hadn’t had a chance to eat, so as I sat at a stop light my eyes quite naturally landed on a restaurant sign nearby.
The sign read: Popeye’s (underneath that) Chicken and Biscuits
My eyes lingered on the biscuit portion on the sign for a while. Mmmmm…mmmmm…mmmmm!! I could taste the buttery warmth of a Popeye’s biscuit in my mouth just by reading those words.
My hunger gaze was soon interrupted by another observation about this sign. I had never noticed this before, but at the top of the sign in smaller font was a powerful message.
“Established in 1972”
This was Popeye’s unspoken promise of consistency.  In other words they are basically saying, “Chicken and biscuits is what we do. We’ve been doing this for 41 years. If it’s chicken and biscuits you want…we’re here for you…you can trust us!”
This got me thinking a bit…
What’s my promise of consistency?
For Popeye’s it’s chicken and biscuits, but what would mine be? What would yours be?
Could my promise be:
TriadnetInc – L.I.I.F.E and Service to Humanity...“Established in 2013
”
…or maybe it’s different depending on who and where…
I’ve been a leader within the same company for the past years.
At work is it:
Ayandiran wale – Fair, Courteous, IT Geek, Gets the Problem Solved and Listening Leader,
That’s my goal…that’s what I’d like my promise of consistency to be…
But…that doesn’t matter if my friends and coworkers don’t think so.
What’s your promise of consistency?
Would your friends, family and coworkers agree?
What have you established about yourself that has now become your brand?

I’m going to ask a few people about mine.
You probably should too…
Whether you ask…or whether you don’t…the fact will still remain that everyday you’re establishing something about yourself that other people can easily see.
As for me…I want to know.  That’s the only way I can work to make meaningful, personal change.  So if the promise of consistency I wrote above isn’t necessarily true…it will be 10 years from now.
Because in 2023, a promise of consistency ‘Established in 2013’ is pretty powerful!

LETTING GO

Letting Go

LET IT GO

Have you been dumped, betrayed or left so heartbroken that you didn't ever want to love again? Are you still stuck on an ex and don't know how to move on? And how do you know when it's time to let go and look for love somewhere else?

Are your standards too low? "What is it about you that causes you to settle for somebody that you know will cheat on you, know will lie to you, know will make a commitment and then break it? What is it about you that you believe about yourself that you're willing to settle for that?"Recognize that you're settling and that you deserve more. Set a higher standard for yourself.

Chances are you're longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish they were. "There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things and then you're back with them for about 10 minutes and you go 'Oh yeah! Now I remember why I hate you!'"Don't kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past.

Don't wait around because you think they are going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior- Smith Michael

Don't put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. As long as you are obsessed with your ex, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one.

"Set some goals and start putting your life back together. Ask yourself: Are. you hiding in the relationship so you don't have to face the reality of being on your own? Don't stay with someone because it's comfortable and safe. It may seem more secure, but it's not healthy for you and it certainly won't help you get to a better place. Why would you want to settle and waste your life away just to avoid getting back in the game?

Make that perfect move now and just ''LET IT GO''.

Patience

Patience

 PATIENCE

Patience of (forbearing) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.  according to wikipedia .

Taking it drom all religious perspective, PATIENCE is one of the Most Important Virtues any true person loyal to his/her religion should posses in any circumstances. 

Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast
There is a blessing in calamity that the wise man should not ignore, for it;
     * Erases sins, 
     * Gives one the opportunity to attain the reward for patience,
     * Dispels negligence,
     * Reminds one of blessings at the time of health,
     * Calls one to repent and encourages one to give charity and endure.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

 Life is a learning curve and the challenges are there to make us stronger and to condition us and build us emotionally, spiritually and physically for the greater challenges that we will encounter tomorrow. Outwardly circumstances may be perceived as hardships but in reality they may really be blessings in disguise.

“The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable pre-requisite for success Brian Tracy 

"Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success."
Napoleon Hill 

CHOICE

CHOICE

CHOICES

What is the single force that shapes the quality of our lives? What power do we have that can change everything? As you and I both know, the answer is the power of choice.

I've had the unique opportunity to see people in the midst of real challenges, whether its the professional athlete who wants to regain his competitive edge, the business leader who wants to expand her influence or the political leader who struggles with a difficult decision. I may not have all the answers (who does?), but after working with so many people and observing the patterns that make them succeed or fail, one thing I am sure of is this: It is our decisions, not our conditions, that determine the quality of our lives.

Take a look at your own life. Are you where you want to be? Are you as healthy or financially secure or as happy in your relationships as you would like to be? Or, even if things are going well, are you looking for that extra edge to retain the competitive advantage? Perhaps you feel that in spite of your success, there’s more out there for you, but for some reason, you haven't grasped it yet. Your first instinct may be to blame the economy, or the housing market, or someone who has treated you unfairly.

Before we go any further, we need to understand that we are where we are today because of the decisions we've made—decisions about what to focus on, decisions about where to place our priorities, decisions about what things mean and decisions about what to do. For example, if your business or career has been affected by the recession, do you feel that you are being punished or challenged to find a new path? What are you going to do about it? Are you going to give up or give more? No matter what we have experienced in the past, our history is not our destiny—we all have the power to make new decisions today.
Here’s another way to look at it: Success is a result of good judgment; good judgment is a result of experience, in most cases. And what about experience? Yes, experience is most often a result of bad judgment.
So here’s the good news: The experience gained from bad judgment and bad decisions is unbelievably valuable—it’s priceless! So don’t waste time beating yourself up over poor decisions you’ve made; learn from the experiences. Really, failure is actually one of the best ways we learn. When people succeed, they celebrate. When they fail, they ponder. They stop and think, What happened here? What could I have done differently? It’s only through self-evaluation that we learn how to make better decisions. So, when you make mistakes, learn from them; use your experience to improve your judgment and make better decisions.

ASUU strike; A blessing in disguise for undergraduates.

ASUU strike; A blessing in disguise for undergraduates.

This write up is inspired by a report I read which has it that the strike embarked upon by ASUU since July 2, 2013 has forced many students in Abeokuta and its environs to register for various vocational
trainings *raised eyebrows*.

The strike may be a blessing in disguise as many of the students may end up using the trade learnt
while it lasted to better their lives in future, but as laudable as this initiative of the undergraduates may be, I have one fear for them which is that the strike may be called off at any moment thus putting the kibash on the completion of their trainings.

In other news, it is a common knowledge that Nigeria has enough clairvoyants. In fact, the country is brimming with them. From the gods of men in Lagos synagogues to the ordinary man at the street corner who would always correctly tell you the team to carry a match even when the game is still afoot *grin*.

We have them here. It is just that they have not redirected their ability to this all-important area so needed by Nigerians. Given their wizardry in the act, I don’t want to believe that telling when a strike would end is too much a thing for them to foresee. No it can’t be, not when these men stay in Nigeria and predict what is to happen overseas and it happens just as they presaged. Better still, any of the two sides to the trade dispute should be magnanimous to let us know the length of days the strike would take, for both of them are in a position to so has to waste undergraduates time.

Finally, a big congratulations to those undergraduates that are making good use of this strike to add value to themselves, because sincerely,its going to be a thing of a shame that any undergraduate will return to school after the strike without adding any value to himself due to the excuse of not knowing when the strike will be over.
Not taking risk is the biggest risk.
At the end those that take risk achieve greater heights.

Other undergraduates, its better late than never. You can start something now so as to make the strike days count.

"You have as many days as you make use of in a year, don't be deceived by the calendar"....#AnchorQuotes

Schooling and Education: The misapprehension!!!

Schooling and Education: The misapprehension!!!

Theoretically, everyone all around the world believes that learning through teaching,training or research which has effect in the way one thinks, feels or acts is educational, but in these part of the world, it is practically dissimilar.

To start with, an average Nigerian even thinks when someone can't communicate in our official language (English), the person isn't educated. So the misconception therein is that we empirically restrict schooling (6-3-3-4) to education.

So therefore, to understand my views, a change of thought on language bigotry is required. You need to understand that language is no barrier in education. Wether Hindu, Arabic, Efik, tapa, igbo, hausa,yoruba etc

Furthermore, it is widely believed in Nigeria that going to school, which authentically is one of the several means of education, guarantees a bright future for individuals, neglecting that schooling will only give you the knowledge of the field you require to study and also make you literate and not secure for you your actual future.
To paraphrase Bishop David Oyedepo, "Schooling will only make you literate,but your investments in literatures will get you your actual future".

Let me briskly remind you that the "literatures" as mentioned by the bishop is language free i.e it could be in yoruba language or any other.

To buoy up Nigerians misapprehension of education and schooling, we celebrate certificates while in other part of the world they celebrate discoveries.
A person with a Masters certificate is ranked above a first degree holder, believing that a degree holder is less educated.

Let's get pragmatic now.

Education is obligatory for a bright future but not necessarily schooling.
A person who understands buying and selling is educated even though she can't speak all languages.
Understanding this will bring an end to our delusion about schooling and education.

Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard when he discovered that schooling won't get him his actual future but education will, so through learning and research outside school he started Facebook.

I studied everything but never topped but the toppers of the best universities are my employees....Bill Gate.
That was possible for the Microsoft boss and arguably the richest man on earth because he understood the difference between education and schooling.

So, end your fallacy now and enjoy a bias free life and a more assuring future by opting for education and also understanding the big difference.

Help others to know this by sharing and do drop your comment for interactions.

20 Things Women Should Never Do$

Twenty Things Women Should Never Do!
1. Do not shave off your eyebrows only to redraw them with a pencil… it makes no sense.

2. Do not put on too much make up, you end up looking like you came out of the make-up factory.

3. Do not wear a vest or sleeveless top without shaving your armpits or without a bra underneath.

4. Do not leave chipped nail polish to wear off on its own, there’s a reason why they sell nail polish remover.

5. If you can’t afford good quality weaves, don’t bother.

6. Do not do artificial nails that makes you look like a drag queen, simple is αℓωαчs sexy.

7. See-through leggings or a top used as a dress when you are out in public is a hell- to-the-no!

8. Never do things for a man with a hope of getting something in return, expectations are dangerous. Do it because you simply want to.

9. Never contradict what your man says - in public.

10. Never stalk the man that left you for the other woman.

11. Do not share your best friend’s personal life with every Tom, and Harry.

12. Women should never act on distress in relationships like checking your man’s phone, nagging him to death, and acting like a paranoid freak. You will simply release him to someone else by doing so.

13. Never dish out your entire family drama on a first date. The guy just wants to know about you.

14. Stop obsessing over your body. It’s good to eat healthy and work out but let’s leave it at that.

15. Never over-accessoriz e. stop looking like a Christmas tree.

16. Never leave home without lipgloss, your phone and most of all, your dignity.

17. Never leave your used sanitary towel in the toilet for the next person to see.
Women please!

18. Never wear very high heels if you can’t do the Naomi Campbell walk. You look like a drunk grasshopper.

19. Never wear short skirts and low cut tops when off to an interview. You will create the wrong impression.

20. And finally, ‘Never wish to be like any other woman. There are others out there envying you for who you are’

3 Ways to Know If Our Perceptions of Each Other Are Accurate

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” [Virginia Woolf]
If you’ve ever listened to someone’s description or opinion of you and it sounded completely alien, you probably found yourself wondering where on earth they were coming from.
We are told that on a universal, spiritual level, the way you perceive someone is more than just an opinion; it’s actually a reflection of you being projected onto that person.
So if someone tells you that you’re beautiful, kind, or have a good heart, they can only do so because those qualities are present within them. Conversely, if you see someone as dishonest, unkind, or manipulative, that’s because you, yourself, are projecting those parts of you onto the other person.
When I was going through the depths of healing from adultery and my marriage break-up, I recalled a lot of things my ex-husband told me about myself—some of which I accepted; a lot of which I did not.
It was very important to me to use forgiveness, self-love, and a sense of perspective as my tools to move on. I worked hard on my own issues, and accepted responsibility for the things within me that had brought me that harsh experience.
But I have always struggled with this concept that “you can only see in others what you have within you.”
It’s not because I only want to believe the good things people say about me, or because I think I have no bad traits.
It’s because when dealing with unacceptable or in some cases abusive behavior in life, it is very difficult to hear and accept that the negative conduct you have received from someone else is simply your own darkness being brought into the open, and nothing to do with the other person.
This was how I had always interpreted such teachings, and doing so made me feel worse about myself instead of better.
I now understand that it is possible to witness or observe a behavior objectively, for what it is, without necessarily being that yourself.
This is true of both positive and negative interactions. For example, I can acknowledge and deeply admire those who can speak publicly with great confidence, but I don’t possess this ability.
This is not a defeatist attitude or low self-esteem talking; it’s simply an observation. Likewise, I can see someone’s behavior toward me as negative or destructive, but know I’m not like that. I no longer feel the guilt of believing that in order to have observed it, I must be like that too.
What I believe is that we all have is the potential for the behaviors we are being shown.
I know that I have the potential for great public speaking; and I know I have the potential for manipulative or intolerant behaviour. But though can I recognize these traits in others, it’s not who I choose to be right now.
This is not intended as way to avoid responsibility for your own behavior, or an opportunity to judge others while saying “but I’m not like that.” But it is important to know, especially when we are feeling emotionally vulnerable, that sometimes it isn’t about us; it’s about them.
Here are three ways of working out whether what a person says about you is really a reflection of themselves. It’s also useful and healthy to use this exercise from the opposite perspective to see if you are ever projecting your own issues onto another:

1. Is their opinion about me something I’ve felt about myself?

We have a deep knowledge of our own psyche—our fears, our dreams, our abilities, and our strengths and faults.
Does what the other person is saying ring true on any level? If they are saying great things but the words sound hollow to you, it won’t really be about you. But if your heart lifts when someone calls you generous, it’s because you know you are, and they have struck a lovely chord.

2. Is their opinion about me something I’ve been shown by other people?

Although trusting your own inner knowing is vital, we are interactive creatures with varied experiences of each other.
Unless you have a real Jekyll and Hyde personality, other people’s perceptions of you will be largely similar. So, if one person is telling you that you are arrogant and stubborn, while everyone else sees you as kind, patient, and tolerant, then it’s most likely that this one person is bringing their own issues into what they are saying about you.

3. Do they have another agenda?

Does the person telling you about yourself want something from you emotionally or physically? Are they speaking to you, or about you, from a place of love, or fear?
If they have an agenda, then what you are being told about yourself, whether good or bad, is likely to be manipulation on their part and no reflection on you.
So why are we being told and shown things by others’ behavior if it’s not actually about us?
I believe that the actual message, whether it’s, “you are selfish” or “you should be a professional dancer,” is not the end purpose of the exchange.
It’s what we learn about ourselves from our response that really matters. Is the comment something we need to pursue or let go of? Does it require a reply or acknowledgement? What does it say about us if we accept what they say, or don’t?
The things being presented to us through other people’s actions or words simply show us what we are capable of, not necessarily what we are.
For me, encounters and interactions with others are ripe learning opportunities for growth. We learn to use discernment, tolerance, compassion, and gratitude. We are shown the potential to be strong inspiring and happy; we are also shown the potential to be fearful, negative and unloving.

Loving Others Without Expecting Them to Fill a Void

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” [Thich Nhat Hanh]
Conventional notions of what it means to love are populated with expectations for reciprocity that often get us into trouble. I know this personally, because whenever I have “freely” given my love, and it has not been rewarded with reciprocity, I have often come face to face with my resentment.
This has been especially true of my intimate relationships. I want the people who fall into this category, in particular, to reciprocate my love. I expect them to. But, as Thich Nhat Hanh points out, love is expansive, not constrictive.
I had a boyfriend once, for example, who although he seemed to genuinely like spending time with me, didn’t make our relationship much of a priority in his life. This was a guy who was pretty laid back in general and so I discounted his reserve and tried to be patient, thinking we’d eventually turn a corner.
What became clear, over the course of four years, is that my patience was thinly veiling a whole host of, now, disappointed expectations for reciprocity. And in the end I felt angry and betrayed.
The question is: by whom really?
When some time had passed, and I was able to look back on the situation with a little more objectivity, it became clear I’d entered into the relationship with typical expectations for attention, time, comfort, and affection—in other words, an agenda.
I don’t mean to say there is anything wrong with wanting to be loved. There isn’t, of course. It is a good and natural impulse.
We all deserve the love of our intimate others and should be careful to choose partners whose love for us is a natural, abundant outpouring of their feelings, and investment in us and our wellbeing.
The desire to be loved—to the extent that it is fueled by any underlying agendas or feelings of isolation and loneliness—can be very problematic. For it often turns a relationship into some version of, “I’ll scratch your back, if you’ll scratch mine.” And love isn’t contractual.
However, bargaining is, and this, unfortunately, was the weak foundation on which my own compromised relationship stood and faltered. He failed to invest in the relationship while taking advantage of all the intimate benefits, and I failed to draw good boundaries; I settled for being used, rather than being loved.
Revealed in all this was the fact that I hadn’t exactly been looking after my own needs very well. I’d neglected and betrayed myself, in some sense, and needed to assume greater responsibility for my own personal happiness.
To that end I began a quest for locating the sense of inner contentment and satisfaction I so craved, but was not in possession of. I read books, magazines, watched films, and made note of what resonated with me and what did not—what stirred my enthusiasm, what made sense.
I became more curious about my inner life. An act of love in itself.
Later, I began a regular practice of journal writing and meditation. I’m a big believer in the contemplative arts, which, for me, can include things like painting, running, swimming, knitting—almost anything that helps you reach a more contemplative state of mind. For me this was huge.
What I have learned the hard way is that a robust love stands the best chance of materializing between people who have ripened sufficiently as individuals. And it is always a work in progress.
Love is never complete. Just as life is always moving and re-shaping itself, this is true with love.
Thus, loving in such a way that the person we love feels free is as simple and straightforward as it is complex and discursive.
Essentially, we need to practice being the love we wish to see in the world, and that requires a deeply rooted sense of reverence and respect for ourselves, our intimate others, and the wonderfully complex, exquisitely vulnerable, flawed humanity we share.
It requires making mistakes, making amends, and trying to manage matters with an increasing degree of skill and intelligence. Not to mention forgiveness.
Here is a lovely quote by Rumi that really gets to the heart of the matter.
And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.
Which is to say, we need to be love. That is all there really is to it in the end—simple, but not easy, as with most things worth striving for in life. Then the love returned by others can be received as the gift that it is.
Ultimately, love is its own reward. Generous. Expansive. Inclusive. Receptive. Liberating.
Love well, live well!

How to Feel More Loved: 9 Tips for Deep Connection

“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” ~John Bulwer
If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel loved.
We want to feel deeply connected to other people, fully seen and appreciated by them, and secure in those relationships.
We can have a million and one acquaintances online, but if none of our  connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.
There’s actually some interesting research that shows we tend to value physical possessions less when we feel loved and accepted by others, because relationships can provide a sense of comfort, insurance, and protection. They truly are the most valuable things in our lives.
I remember when I completed my last promotional tour. It’s something I used to do for work—travel around the country promoting products at sporting events, concerts, and retail locations. I chose this career partly because it seemed adventurous, and partly because it allowed me to distract myself with constant change and motion.
Although there were more than 20 people on the tour, I frequently stayed in separate hotels because my responsibility was to care for the tour dog, and the group often stayed in places that didn’t allow pets.
I’d just decided to leave NYC shortly before this job, after slowly climbing out of years of self-loathing, depression, and isolation. I wanted nothing more than to make real friendships, but I simply didn’t know how.
I saw it happening all around me. I saw women forming bonds that I knew would last for years, while I frequently felt awkward and insecure. I saw romantic relationships blossoming, while I had a superficial fling with someone I hardly knew, who hardly knew me back.
Though I was trying to open up to people and create space for them to open up as well, I still felt alone, love-deprived, and terrified that these feelings would endure. As a consequence, I frequently sabotaged myself and potential connections.
I assumed there was something wrong with me for struggling in relationships, when it was actually my thinking that manifested everything that felt wrong.
I’m sure there are countless other people who’ve been in that place before: feeling isolated, disconnected, and confused about how to change it.
Others still experience something different but related: They have meaningful friendships, but still feel there’s something lacking—like there could be more love coming their way, romantically or otherwise.
I’ve learned a lot about giving and receiving love over these last several years, and I’ve dramatically transformed my thinking and sense of connection as a result. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more loved, you may find these tips helpful:

Open Your Heart

1. Initiate meaningful conversations.

The first step to feeling more loved is creating close relationships, and that starts with meaningful, engaged conversations. These don’t necessarily need to be deep and spiritual in nature. They just need to be honest, authentic, and reciprocal.
You can initiate this type of exchange with anyone at almost any time simply by asking about the other person, fully listening to what they have to say, and then finding common ground. Naturally some people will stay shut down, but it’s worth the risk of feeling vulnerable to find the ones who won’t.

2. Give the gift of your presence.

Often when we converse with people, we’re not fully listening; we’re formulating our response in our heads and waiting for our turn to talk. We’re not only doing the other person a disservice when we do this; we’re also shortchanging ourselves.
Think about the last time you really opened up to someone. It likely required you to feel a level of comfort and trust, even if you didn’t yet know that person very well. The act of opening up is itself an offering of love. It’s an invitation to let someone in.
In recognizing this and welcoming it by fully hearing other people, we are, in fact, receiving love.

3. Open up your love valve.

Just like a heart valve prevents blood from flowing backwards, our love valve might block the flow of energy in our interactions. This generally happens when we get too caught up in our head, thinking, analyzing, and wanting more, instead of being present and allowing a natural give and take.
Come into the moment, take the pressure off the situation, and avoid the urge to fill silences with chatter. Instead, picture the interaction as something cyclical in nature, where there’s a balance of sharing and listening, giving and receiving.
When we clear the mental clutter and allow this type of flow, we are in essence choosing to be love.

Open Your Mind

4. Change your beliefs about the world and love.

When we tell ourselves the same things over and over again, we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you tell yourself that people don’t care, you’ll put that energy into the world and then easily find evidence to back it up. If you tell yourself you’ll never experience love, you’ll create mental barriers and then subconsciously repel it.
Tell yourself a different story: There’s a lot of love in the world, there’s plenty to go around, you deserve it, and it’s coming to you every day.

5. Consider that love might look different than you visualized it.

In telling yourself that love is coming to you every day, you’re not merely lying to yourself; you’re taking responsibility for recognizing the love around you.
It might not be from the person you want to be with romantically. It might not meet the standards and criteria you defined in your head. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
When a friend pushes you to reach your potential, it’s an act of love. When a family member takes the time to listen to you, helping you form insights about your life, it’s an act of love.
See and appreciate the love all around you and it will surely multiply because you’ll come to potential new relationships with a sense of wholeness instead of lack.

6. Give love when you’re tempted to judge.

Ultimately, this is how we all want to be loved: without judgment, pity, or condescension. Commit to giving this kind of love, both in your existing relationships and in new ones you might be tempted to avoid.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow your instincts when you feel like unsafe around someone. It just means you look below the surface, give people a chance, and in doing so create the potential for more meaningful, mutually supportive relationships.
Make the conscious choice to be understanding and compassionate. While getting isn’t the intention of giving, this will likely set the stage for you to receive the same consideration in return.

Open Your Eyes

7. Value the people who are there.

Sometimes we get so caught up looking for romantic love that we forget to appreciate the friends and family who are always there, offering their support. At least I did. Despite my chronic fear of being seen and judged, and my instinct to self-sabotage, I spent a long time believing that I was incomplete.
I know you might be thinking that friendships aren’t the same as romantic affection, and I understand. I felt this way too. But we don’t attract romantic love into our lives by focusing on what’s missing. We attract potential partners by radiating love.
Take an inventory of all the people who care. There are likely far more than you realize.

8. Recognize the love you’re not giving.

It’s far easier to pinpoint what we’re not getting than it is to be honest with ourselves about what we’re not giving. Perhaps you want people to check in with your more frequently. Are you checking in with them? Maybe you want people to ask more about your personal life. Are you asking them about theirs?
Give the type of love you want to receive. Give praise. Notice the little things. Offer help without it being asked of you.
I’m not suggesting you should always be the one giving. If it feels like a constant one-way street, then it might be time to reevaluate that relationship. But in most healthy ones, giving more freely creates an environment of consideration and generosity.
And then of course there’s the other side of this coin: Ask for what you need! There’s one relationship in my life that’s often felt unbalanced. Recently I asked this friend if she’d call me sometimes just to talk, as opposed to calling for advice. I asked, and now she does.

9. Look deeply at your needs and intentions.

Sometimes when we go out looking for love, we’re really trying to avoid giving ourselves what we need. There’s pain in our past we don’t want to acknowledge; or there’s an emptiness inside that we don’t want to fill on our own.
If you’re feeling a hole somewhere inside, take a close look at what might have caused it. Be strong enough to acknowledge what you need to do for you, whether it’s having a long overdue conversation with a family member, working on your self-esteem, or finding a sense of purpose in life.
We all deserve to feel loved by the people in our lives, but first need to be willing and able to love ourselves. That’s what it takes to feel deeply connected: to feel deeply connected to ourselves and confident in what we can give.

Loving Relationship

  How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These indispensable tips were written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family and even work relationships.

1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without being afraid.
Don’t interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don’t make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you’re too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe and “calm down.”
Remember: your partner is not the enemy.

2. Separate the facts from the feelings.
What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.

3. Connect with the different parts of yourself.
Each of us is not a solo instrument. We’re more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’ but my heart says ‘I really love her.’ Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.
4. Develop and cultivate compassion.
Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don’t have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoging respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.
5. Create a “we” that can house two “I’s”.
The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually-supportive relationship is to be separate and connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or her self, compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual “I” contributes to the creation of a “we” that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don’t need to be with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of good fire.
6. Partner, heal thyself.
Don’t expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don’t try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can be supportive as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.
7. Ask questions when you’re unsure or are making assumptions.
All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners’ behavior means. For example: “She doesn’t want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore.” We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what’s not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken.
8. Make time for your relationship.
No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making “playdates” and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow.
9. Say the hard things from love
Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.

There you have it. Be kind to yourselves. Remember: change takes time and every step counts.

Discover the best Romantic Gift Idea for Valentines Day

Is the best romantic gift stil a bunch of roses...?

Have you ever wished you could come up with a new gift idea to show your loved one how you feel? 
Have you ever wondered about what the different colors of Roses actually mean? For instance, next time you choose a specific color of Rose, do so to convey a special meaning. 
Look below and learn what the different Rose colors represent and next time you buy a Rose as a gift, deliver a loving message at the same time.
Colored Roses and What Each Color Means

• Red - Love, I Love You
• Pink - Perfect Happiness, Please Believe Me
• Peach - Modesty
• White - Innocence and Purity, I am Worthy of You, You're Heavenly
• Orange - Fascination
• Yellow - Texas Love, Joy and Friendship
• Single Full Bloomed Rose - I Love You, I Still Love You
• White and Red Mixed - Unity
• Rosebud - Beauty and Youth, A Heart of Innocent Love
• Rosebud (Red) - Pure and Lovely
• Rosebud (White) - Girlhood
• Bridal - Happy Love
• Christmas - Tranquilize My Anxiety
• Damask - Persian Ambassador of Love
• Dark Crimson - Mourning or Loss
• Hibiscus - Delicate Beauty
• Leaf - You May Hope
• Tea - I'll Remember Always
• Thornless - Love at First Sight
• Bouquet of Mature Blooms - Gratitude

Next time you buy your loved one a Rose as a gift, attach a handwritten card to convey the message to him/her that the color means.  This is a great way to enhance your love life!
Here are some great examples for you to adapt for yourself:

• Tea Rose -- Last night was very special.  I’ll Remember Always!
• Dark Crimson -- You mean so much to me.  Can we try again just one more time?
• Rosebud (Red) -- You take my breath away!  You look so lovely!
• Orange -- You fascinate me!  Can we spend more time together?

Even smaller, simpler messages will enhance your love life and will thrill your partner!

Womens Relationship Advice

How to solve relationship problems with our "romantic week" plan

Day 1:
Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily. Try their briefcase, the driver's seat of their car, in their coat pocket, in their lunch bag, taped to the receiver of the phone, taped to their computer, or left taped to a doorknob.
As soon as you arrive home for the day seek out your partner and offer a big, loving kiss.  Tell your partner how much you love him or her and ask about their day. Make this a new, daily habit.
As an alternate idea, when your partner arrives home for the day, take their hand and pull them towards you aggressively.  Offer a huge hug, kiss and say, "I missed you today!”
Day 2:
While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.
Have flowers delivered to partner at work.
Surprise your partner by arriving home with their favorite drink, snack, or ice-cream.
Day 3:
Arrange for an intimate lunch date with your partner. Afterward, send a virtual card. Tell them how much you enjoyed lunch together.
Day 4:
Call your partner in the middle of the day to discuss your romantic plans for that evening.
Print out some love coupons (find them on-line) and present them to your partner.  One might say:  this entitles loved one to a full-body massage, and sign your name.
Day 5:
For the kid in all of us!  Use multi-colored, sidewalk chalk to draw a BIG heart in red and write.  Print out the words, “I love you" in the middle of the heart.  Do this someplace that is prominent such as on your driveway so that when your partner comes home he or she will see it.
Cook a favorite meal for your partner and then eat it, slowly, by candlelight.
Day 6:
When the weather is best, take a brisk walk through a nature trail with your love and talk about all the reasons why
he or she is so special to you.
If the weather is dreary, have an indoor picnic.  Spend the time together, inside enjoying your favorite board games and just relaxing and talking.
Cuddle up in your pj’s and relish a romantic movie together.
Day 7:
Just sleep in and cuddle together.  Call into work and explain you are “under the weather” and need to rest a bit more before coming in.
Make a long list of the many reasons why you love your partner as you do and then have them framed and present it to him or her.
If you don’t live together, call your loved one just to say goodnight. Recite a favorite love poem over the phone and end with, “Sweet dreams, until we meet again!”

Love Tips 3:Useful Flirting Tips and Advice


Discover how to flirt to attract using body language and other tips

It is rather difficult to be romantic without first flirting.  What exactly is flirting and how can you adapt some flirting into your own romantic moods and play?  To begin, you don’t want to be too aggressive.  Start with very friendly gestures and once you have gotten those moves down, and then go for the romantic flirting!

Flirting is a frame of mind:

Be self-confident and do not be afraid to take risks.
Be enthusiastic about romance and be positive!

Start a sexy conversation:

Start with a simple, opening line by saying hello.
Talk about anything at all, whatever will get the romance going.

Enjoy yourself and have fun:

Be playful, light-hearted and above all, be spontaneous.
Show that you can be vulnerable.

Make good use of all props:

Always use a prop.
Props will get the conversation started naturally. They encourage conversation and others will want to start talking to you.
Great props are: pets, children, great jewelry, a wonderful scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite sports team’s emblem, an interesting book or magazine.

Play host:

Take the lead by taking on the role of host.
Do not be the passive person in waiting, but rather the lead.

Introduce yourself first:

Move closer to the person you want to meet and introduce yourself confidently!

Listen-up:

Everyone loves to be heard and when you are a good listener your partner will be drawn to you.

Make bold eye contact:

Look your partner in the eye gently (no more than 2-4 seconds) and then look away. You don’t want to stare!

Pay a genuine compliment:

Your partner will be pleased and will warm up to you more.

Show a beautiful smile:

You will look so much more approachable. Everyone is attracted to a genuine and heartfelt, smile.

So there you go!  These are all ground-breakers when wanting to approach someone with romance.  We must always be mindful of the fundamentals.

When we just dive right in, unexpected, we can turn our loved one off.  Go slow, a step at a time and feeling confident, approach with your best romance moves.

The Love Doctor
Love Tips Part I - How to be Romantic and Develop Healthy Relationships

Quick and Easy Love Tips to Quickly improve your Relationship

Rebuild your love life - Work on yourself first. The relationship will follow. Two broken people cannot fix each other. Do something loving for yourself today, and then come back and do something loving for your partner.
Be honest with yourself - Only you can do the work that you alone need. Learning to love yourself first teaches you how to love others. Learn to love you. Only then will you have the kind of love your partner needs. Only then.
Begin all over again - Begin with a fresh start.  Remember when you first met and everything was great? Each of you seemed to know what to do. The relationship was everything you wanted, right?  Become re-acquainted. Get to know each other all over again. Begin by wooing each other like you did back then. Think a minute on those special moments.  Think about those moments again.
Resolve now to recreate those good times. You can begin your fresh start in your love life any moment you choose. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. It's time to move forward and without regrets.
Establish a love life enhancement goal - What is your relationship goal? What is most important to you and to your partner? Spend quality time together talking about what is important to both of you. Set some love life goals. Write them all down on paper. Setting goals will allow you both to control the direction of change you wish for. To follow a new path without knowing where it leads is like walking into a maze.
Develop a love life sense of humor - Laugh about anything or nothing at all for 1 minute of each day. Show your loved one your lighter side.  Smile and then smile again. It's very catching. Cultivate the positive by only looking at the bright side of things for a change.
Claim your bliss - Be happy now! It's your choice. Live and love to your absolute fullest and watch as the sparks start to fly.
Cultivate togetherness - Plan to spend time together. The key now is to  "plan." Stand by what you plan. Keep your commitments to be only with your partner. Work on this together and you will accomplish much more.
Cultivate calm - Don’t let disagreements spoil your love life. Freely offer words such as, "I'm sorry," when needed and then put it behind you. Don't waste valuable time nursing a quarrel. Someone has to be first to back down -- might as well be you. Your love life will not thrive in an atmosphere of discord.
Don't allow negative behavior to rule your love life - When the relationship is strained, it can sink very quickly. Sometimes you don't do what your partner wants you to do, so he/she becomes upset and even distant. Agree to allow each other to make your own choices. Remember, women will respond quickest to a man's action or lack of action. Men will respond quickest to a woman's attitude.
Take good care of yourself. When you feel tension present in your love life it is easy to reach for inappropriate food, alcohol or drugs. This is a big mistake. Resolve to pamper yourself. A healthy mind and body will translate into a healthy love life.
Sleep until rested. You can’t make up for lost sleep. When you are well rested you are loving yourself and then you have more to offer your loved one.
Give genuine gifts! - Take the time to pay sincere gifts of love. Offer genuine compliments often. Offer generous praise for your partner. The road to prosperity in your love life will be paved with a commitment to generosity towards your partner.
Feel close to your partner.  We feel closest to those who cause us to feel good about ourselves. Lavish expressions of love on your partner.  Bring them straight from the heart.
Show appreciation. Nurture your love life with warmth and goodwill.  This inspires your partner to want to please you. Appreciation is among the top ten needs for most people.
Exercise better choices - This is a great gift. It requires that you do not repeat the bad choices you have made in your love life that have brought you to this point in time. You will get what you focus on. Look for and see the goodness in your partner.  This will spur you on to even better choices.
Show affection! - There is great healing in your power of touch. Hold hands. Kiss in your car. Give your partner a massage. Spend time holding and caressing. Give your partner an extended hug every day; one that lasts several minutes. Purpose to touch each other every day.
Celebrate your love life! - Plan for special days in romantic ways. Make a note of very special days.  The ones that belong just to the two of you; your first date, when you first made love, when you moved into your home, the day you got married, the day of the proposal. Plan something really special.
Fun, fun, fun! - Kick your heels up and play like a kid again. Tell your partner you want to enjoy what he or she enjoys and then spend the entire day together. Make a commitment to do this regularly.
Dress up and go out on the town. - Go on a date and dress to the nines! Make it a special night; even rent a tuxedo or buy a new dress. Make advance reservations for a classy restaurant. Delight in all the planning.

Discover how to write romantic love peoms and notes!

Amaze that special someone in your life with your own Romantic Poetry

By now we all realize that one of the most important things to remember in a committed relationship is to keep the romance alive and thriving.

It is all too easy to take one another for granted after a period of time passes.  Doing this, though, will not produce a strong love life and is not conducive for ongoing passion.

Easily the most effective way of keeping your relationship fresh and filled with love and appreciation is to simply nurture romance.

Here is a helpful meditation to keep your love alive!

I won’t ever take you
. . . for granted

I won’t ever forget
what it was like before you
or how I would feel without you

I won’t ever forget
our first kiss
our last warm touch

I won’t ever let a day go by
without telling you

how very much you mean to me
how very deeply I love you
how very much I need you

You need never doubt
the way I feel about you

how much happier I am
. . . with you in my life!

I love you now and always!

Wouldn’t a wonderful declaration of your love be a nice and romantic gift?

Declare your love in a love note or with romantic poetry

I find the words difficult
with just so many emotions tumbling through my mind

I feel only pride in you for who you are and what you mean to me

I struggle to put my thoughts to paper....but I must

You mean everything to me and more
even when the words don’t come out quite right
I still feel such peace and complete assurance
that you understand

I will forever be right by your side
I feel so whole when you are near
it all feels so good and so true

How can I thank you?

For the many dreams
for such wonderful times

Even if I should awake to be alone and scared
you are there
in my fondest hopes and memories

and when morning comes
together.....

we will still be on this journey

for we made a vow....

You make my life complete
You heal my heart and show me pure joy
You touch my soul and teach me to laugh
You heal my mind and teach me to dream
You kiss my spirit and teach me to fly

You are the best part of my life.

Probably the dearest and sweetest show of your affection would be to pen your own thoughts of your loved one.  Why not get started now?  You have so much to gain!

Use all the tips above often, and keep the flames of romance kindled in yours and your partner’s lives!

Today i'll taking you on a new topic you would really enjoy reading.

Simple tips for helping your relationship to stay healthy

Use these quick and easy ideas to help your relationship stay fun

Showing someone that you care and that they are special to you does not need to be complicated.  Some of the most touching ways of saying I LOVE YOU are the simplest and most appreciated.

Adapt just a few today and watch as your love life takes wings.....and flies!

Give or get a hug for no reason 

Tell the other person that they are important and respected

Kiss them when people are looking

Kiss them when people aren't looking

Tell the other person that you care deeply

Hold hands to show support

Go together for a long bike ride

Give a special present/give any present

Tell them you are there for them when they need you most

Spend quality time together every day

Enjoy a film together and put your arm around him or her during the story

Walk arm in arm through the woods

Compose a special tape of love songs just for him or her

Open up and share your feelings

Open up and share your dreams with each other

On a cold day snuggle up together/do this on any day just because

Sit for a long while together in the park

Take a long walk together

Enjoy a meal together and you pay

Enjoy a picnic indoors and roll around together on the floor

Enjoy an outdoor game of Frisbee together

Pay lots of lovely compliments

Get all heated up and relax in a Jacuzzi

Go for a hearty swim together

Feel close together and just relax

Shop for dinner together and you pay

Cook a good meal together and you do the dishes

Offer a loving touch

Plan and go on a wild trip together

Host a party for all of your mutual friends

Bake a yummy cake

Be quiet together in a library

Cultivate your culture and browse in a museum

Always be there for him or her

Find out what's meaningful for the other person - and then join with them

Get in good shape together

Look deeply into his or her eyes and just gaze

Wash your loved one’s car by hand

Land that big fish together/you bait your own hook

Talk to each other about everything